Our experience is limited as we will only ever know our own life truly, yet it does not mean our experience cannot be varied. As a child I spent countless hours bewitched by video games, ones with detailed characters; written, recorded, designed and programmed, ones where I could slay monsters, save planets or rob banks. None of these experiences were anything like my life when I was a child- or in fact now, yet I could tell you of various stories of my virtual adventures, or spend hours swapping old rejoices with someone who shared my passion.
As the game loads and the first few moments of playing pass by I gradually immerse myself into the secondary world through the lens of the main character; seeing what they see, listening to what they hear. The relationship between us is more than just that of a puppet and his puppeteer, but instead is a reciprocation of perspectives. In this secondary world neither of us can exist without the other; I, sitting in a chair in front of a screen am unable to exist in such a space and without me they exist only as an unmoving, unthinking husk, but we both also share our goals, our beliefs, our values. Our two separate personalities, that sometimes may vary considerably, merge until the decisions we make in the game are not ones that either of us would have made independently. I don’t have a child but when a character cares for a young person I too feel protective and paternal, going to extreme lengths in order to bring them to safety when they are put in danger. Likewise, the virtual character hasn’t read the books, or watched the films that I have, they haven’t developed the tastes that I have, but when a particular story line comes up in the game that piques my interest they are quick to dive in head first.
This new personality born from the intertwining of me and the virtual character in the game is as equally real as either of us would be separate- in reality and in the secondary world respectively. It is someone who I become when I step into the world of games, no less me than I am from day to day, but with the additions of my character. This avatar of intertwining lives through different experiences in the same way as any person in the real world; we feel emotion, we have goals, our decisions are our own so when I become this avatar, their experiences are mine in the same way as my experiences in real life are my own.
There are times, however, that I step away from the game and the two intertwined strands of myself and the virtual character are ripped apart by the words “quit game”. As I emerge from this transmutation I am no longer the avatar, but I am also no longer the same me as the one who entered the process of virtual entanglement. The new me that emerges has memories that were formed during my time as the avatar. I know that these memories are not based in my reality, but rather the secondary world. I have no plans to run into the street and steal a car that's stopped at a traffic light just because I have a memory of doing so, the two are easily separated. But these memories I have are not based in my reality, they are not of me sitting around looking at a screen for hours, but instead they are memories of the things that happened in the games; of that time when a friend and I delved into a dark crypt of an ancient god or when I raced a souped-up sports car around the streets of New York.
If someone were to ask me how I was sat while the hours passed by; upright, slouched, arms resting on my desk or on the arms of my chair, I would have no idea, but if they were to ask me how the siege of Icestone or my journey across Los Santos went then i could recount with such detail that they would regret ever having asked. The realism with which the events are depicted helps my imagination form the memories, but even games using only symbols and lines can become epic tales of romance, heroic overcomings of evil, or villainous acts of machination, when I allow myself to get swept away by the secondary world.
The events in my memory are so clear it is asif I had been there when they happened in the same way as I was when I formed memories of my own life. I find it as easy to recall these memories as I do recalling ones from the real world, and when I retell the tales of these memories the similarities can sometimes be confusing if I am not specific or someone lacks context.
For example, I have never even seen a dragon in real life and am certain that they do not exist, but that does not negate the fact that I could describe one in such detail from memory that no medieval villager would ever dare venture too far towards where I came from. I would give them the fright of their life, until I explained to them how I had these memories and was promptly burnt at the stake for witchcraft.
As well as never having seen a dragon, it is also true that I have never robbed a bank, but unlike dragons, bank robberies are real. From my gaming experience I believe I have an inkling of the stress involved in performing a robbery, yet because I have not done it in reality then my experience lacks some aspects that games leave out. I have no idea about the true extent to which those involved must plan and prepare, but more so I have never experienced the fear and desperation that I believe many people must experience while robbing a bank.
Video games are a form of entertainment, they are made to be enjoyed. In these secondary worlds we allow ourselves to enter situations that we would not ever want to live through in reality. We experience no pain as our character is viciously beaten by the villain, we do not put our lives at risk every single day when we partake in the games events. Then at the end of the experience we can turn off the game and wave goodbye to the consequences of our actions, dealing with them only when and if we want to .
Life does not have these privileges, it hurts to get punched in the face and I would never willingly risk everything I own just for the chance of doubling it. Life is not glamorised or curated, life has no previews, or reloads; no trailers that can be watched before choosing to “play”, and the actions we take have an impact on us and those that we encounter along the way.
While I sympathise with those who experience hardship in their life that would drive them to something like robbing a bank, I believe that there are some who are not deserving and if I were to know their full experience then my feelings would be much different. A friend and I were robbed, and try as I might I cannot say that I offer my sympathies to the circumstances of the two lads who pulled a knife and took our possessions in the early hours of the morning. Many people tend to offer their sympathies to me when I share that story, yet most of them are unnecessary. The actual event, while annoying, was much less traumatic (for us victims) then it would be if we lived in the reality of Grand Theft Auto for example, and despite losing our phones and a few hours to identify the lads in a line-up when they were caught, the whole debacle rarely enters my mind unless brought up by some related thought. For some reason, even when I try and force myself to remember it accurately, the details blur and the events are dramatised by my own imagination.
I see a deep amber glow casting long shadows along the road on which it happened, but I know that it was on a road where they turn off the street lights after midnight. In my memory the night was cold and as we walked we could see our breath swirling in a light breeze, yet I know that it was around the middle of summer and we were walking home in t-shirts because that day had been so pleasant. Even the boys that robbed us; the ones that I was able to identify in the police line up so easily, have their faces’ cast in shadows of large hoods and dark clothing as if they were playing a role of some evil that I so commonly overcome in my virtual experiences.
Despite the setting being fantasised and the events happening more stereotypically when I recall them, it is clear that they did not happen this way and that in actuality life is not written, recorded, designed and programmed- and to some extent comically not. Upon approaching us one of the lads seemingly took too much inspiration from his own gangster influences and decided to say the extremely cringey line, “alright lads, this is how it's gonna go down.” as if instead of his voice, the line would be performed by a talented voice actor doing their best impression of the Peaky Blinders (not living too far from the setting of this show, it amuses me the difference in atmosphere that his line invoked). I remember finding it, even at the time, comical and my reaction to the line being out of place in the situation. If it were in a video game, I would have been confused at the way in which the victim was acting; calmly giving over their possessions while talking to the robber pleasantly and relaxed. Such an experience would have broken the internal consistency and verisimilitude so important to the suspension of disbelief required to play games, despite the event being based solely in reality.
The World is Weird people, but Life was made for Living!
See you when I’m looking at you,
with Love Tom
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