Free will may be an illusion. Research into the human mind has brought into question the autonomy of our own thoughts, suggesting that the decisions we make are decided by factors, many of which are outside our control. Advances in neuroscience, such as Libet’s experiment or experiments using brain scanning technology, have provided evidence that we react to a given stimulus using internal processes akin to that of a complex computer, suggesting that our actions are determined not by us but by our genetics, environment, and other various elements. But I have a computer and I cannot say that I relate to it in any way; it sits before me, waiting for my input and completes tasks without question or internal strife whereas I on the other hand could not even make breakfast today without mulling over my options at least three times.
My lack of knowledge in the subject of psychology and neuroscience leaves me at a frustrating crux; we may be nothing more than hyper intelligent processors, but I feel alive, I feel free and I feel that my actions and thoughts are my own, regardless if these feelings are real or an illusion of causal determinism. To put aside that which I currently do not understand (which I have found increasingly useful as I have grown older), I instead choose to focus on what I do know; the feeling, as it has become something which is core to who I am.
The term overthinking has many negative connotations, commonly linked to many mental health issues such as anxiety or depression, as it tends to mean that an individual dwells on negative thoughts which can lead to low mood and extensive worrying. Yet, there is also evidence to suggest that overthinking may also be a sign of intelligence.
All throughout my life I have been told that “I think too much” or that I am an “overthinker” and overtime it has become something that I have accepted and now pay little attention to when I hear it.
Many aspects of my life lean into thinking because it is something that I enjoy doing. Firstly, the studying of philosophy and politics requires no little amount of thought. The life of a student in either of these fields of study is beset with difficult concepts, constant analysis and explanation, and a list of notable thinkers so long that it could not even be half covered in a lifetime. Yet, I was fully aware of what I was getting into when I began and I have loved every moment, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
My enjoyment of thinking is not limited to my degree, it can be found in almost all aspects of my life. Hours can pass by while I sit and discuss with friends or while reading about some obscure topic, even when watching films- which at first could seem to be something that does not require much thought at all, I analyse the choices of the director and writer, or try to guess the plot before it has unravelled. It wouldn't be wrong to say that my favourite hobby of all is to think, as everything I do for enjoyment in some way requires it.
This love of thinking however is not without consequence. Sometimes it means I struggle, getting caught up inside my own head when it would be better if I didn’t. Making breakfast for example takes me much longer than most people I know for I can never decide what I want, and most of the time when I make my decision I do not have the correct ingredients and have to repeat the process of picking up eggs, then cereal, then fruit a few more times. Thinking becomes a particular problem when it comes to sleeping (though I cannot remember when the struggle first began), as instead of relaxing I find myself almost plagued with thoughts even after hours of trying to force them out. At times like these I agree that my thinking is “too much”, but if I had to reduce the amount I think in my life to avoid these situations then I would rather endure them everyday just to continue the pleasure of my life of thinking.
There are times however, that the label of overthinking couldn’t be more wrong and instead a description of “underthinking” may be more fitting. Maybe while walking to a lecture or brushing my teeth, I fall into a sort of autopilot mode going about my day with the minimal amount of thinking required. A few months back I found myself outside of the university library instead of the local supermarket when I had taken a few turns out of habit rather than paying attention.
It seems then because my thoughts are not a constant level or speed, varying drastically throughout the course of a day, that the times when people have thought me to be thinking too much may just be times where I am thinking a lot and if they were to see me at a different time then they may not consider “overthinker” as a fair description.
But if there are times where I am doing too much or too little thinking, what is the right amount and who decided it to be so? If several individuals were to listen along to my daily thoughts like some sort of podcast that I was unaware I was transmitting then their observations at the end of the day would vary almost as dramatically as my thoughts had. For some, thinking about breakfast for half an hour before making it may be “overthinking”, but analysing a philosophical perspective on death for several hours at the library for an essay would be perfectly reasonable, while others would place different judgements and valuations of “too much” or “too little” on different aspects of my thinking. These judgements then, only come from a comparison with both the individual’s own thoughts and some expected standard of what a level of thinking should equate to, meaning that maybe one person's description of me thinking too much is more reflective on their thinking than it is mine and instead my level of thinking isn't too much or too little and instead is perfect for me.
But maybe my thinking is not unique, maybe everyone thinks too much or too little, or just the right amount at different times, but is it how others perceive their thoughts that lead them to labelling them “over” or “under” when in actuality if they had been put in the same situation, or understood the other person's thoughts completely then they would have seen that the level of thinking was fitting to the situation.
Maybe it is not speed at which I think, or the quantity of my thinking that is seen as “too much”, as it seems clear that they are not at one constant state that can be judged properly and there lacks a standard of which to judge them by. Rather people may instead be referring to the way that I think when applying the descriptor of overthinker.
I have always analysed my thoughts - even when I was young, questioning their place in my mind and the degree of truth they hold, never accepting that the things I thought were definitive. It isn’t easy to think in this way, as many times it leads to me having to accept that what I thought I knew was wrong and instead of being able to build a foundation of knowledge, on which I can stand upon through life, I have to balance on whatever seems most right. It reminds me of climbing on rocks at a beach, hopping from one surface to another hoping that this one isn't too slippery, lest I fall off into the sea below. Some rocks may not be the final destination but have interesting pools hiding treasures that I would have missed had I not jumped onto that specific rock, some rocks are sharp and jumping on them hurts your feet until you can find the best place to stand, and some rocks offer you a nice smooth resting point to catch your breath before moving on.
But, some people when they go to the beach choose to instead lie back on a towel, enjoying the sun on their faces and the smell of sea air all around them, some people play games or make sand castles, people surf or paddle in the ocean. I find myself on the rocks, I have always been here and I'm not sure if I could ever venture off of them, but never once have I ever considered doing so.
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